The Squarepants Files
by buffyfanfictions
Summary: Xander wishes to a vengance demon that he wants to live in Bikini Bottom and it comes true. Too bad Buffy and Spike had to follow along. They go nutso and Tara tries to get him back...but then Spongebob comes in...
1. Bikini Bottom

author: Brandi Vincent  
  
disclaimer: I do not own the show Spongebob Squarepants nor Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Although if you happen to notice a different character with in the chapters that is not in neither shows, I take full ownership on them.  
  
title: The Squarepants Files  
  
chapter: 1 Bikini Bottom  
  
author's note: If you don't like Spongebob, then screw you! This is my story! Muhahahahaha! Anyways, I just wanted to write another story to keep me occupied with my time. I'm like juggling five stories right now, not only on fanfictions. Again, this is a kid's story type thing, but I don't care if you read it, just review. But no flames against Spongebob, he didn't do anything. And don't say that this fanfic is childish, well, because it is! I mean, you know, 'imature'. But check out my other new story, Green Dragon: Demon's Eye. It's about a group of demons wanting to eat this girl named Hally, but the attacker doesn't want to for obvious reasons. Bye!  
  
  
  
"What'd you do?!" Spike yelled, shaking Xander in the air.  
  
"Nothing! I don't know!" Xander shrieked.  
  
"OK, better idea, where are we?" Buffy asked, looking around the blue scenery.  
  
"Ah! Cool! We're in Bikini Bottom!" Xander said as Spike slowly let him down.  
  
"We're in what?" Buffy asked. She was a bright pink cartoon fish and Spike was a bright yellow fish. While Xander was a purple starfish.  
  
"What'd you do?" Spike said shakily.  
  
"Um, you'll only get mad." Xander said, stepping back.  
  
"I'm already mad, try me." Spike said.  
  
"What the hell's Bikini Bottom?" Buffy asked. Xander couldn't answer, a pink starfish with blue and green shorts was staring at Xander a few inches away, drooling as if looking at nothing.  
  
"Excuse me, EXCUSE ME!" Xander yelled at him. The starfish didn't say anything.  
  
"Naaaaaaaaaaaa!" A yellow aponge came running at the starfish. Then slowly tapped him. "You're.....it!" He ran away, laughing again. The star broke out of his trance and ran after the sponge, laughing his retarded laugh.  
  
"OK..."Buffy said, looking around again.  
  
"I wished we were in Bikini Bottom!" Xander said, explaining his tale.  
  
"You what??" Buffy yelled. "With that wish demon? Didn't we tell you to stay away from her??" Spike shoved Xander to the ground.  
  
"I'm going to kill you." Spike said mencaingly. The sponge pushed past him, laughing as the pink star was tripping behind him. "Then I'm gonna kill him!" Spike ran after the sponge.  
  
"OK Patrick. You win checkers today!" The sponge said, slowing down and quitting the tagging game.  
  
"Yea! I lose!" Patrick yelled, hopping up and down. Buffy and Spike could only stare at the scene, while Xander went up to introduce himself.  
  
"Hi! I'm Xander!" Xander said, shaking the sponge's hand.  
  
"Hi! I'm Spongebob! Wanna see my lint collection?" Spongebob took out a box from behind his back.  
  
"I'm Patrick, you look like me!" Patrick yelled, putting his arms out by his sides, flying around like an airplane.  
  
"I just met Spongebob and Patrick." Xander mumbled excited.  
  
"That's cool! Can I met- ERRR!" Spike pulled Xander off his legs again. "I'm going to kill you."  
  
"Ha! You can't! you have a chip in your head!" Xander bonked his head with on Spike's and ran off, looking at the big pineapple.  
  
"Look, it can't be that bad. The rest of the Scoobies will realize we're gone and use a spell to find us." The bright pink fish said, putting a flipper on the yellow fish's sholder.  
  
***Back at Sunnydale***  
  
"Hey Anya, where's Buffy and Xander?" Willow asked, coming into the Magic Box.  
  
"Xander said he's going on a trip to Florida, Buffy must've went along too. Don't worry, they'll be back in a few weeks." Anya replied.  
  
  
  
You Know, Later... 


	2. Brave Spike and Slayer

author: Brandi Vincent  
  
disclaimer: I do not own the show Spongebob Squarepants nor Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Although if you happen to notice a different character with in the chapters that is not in neither shows, I take full ownership on them.  
  
title: The Squarepants Files  
  
chapter: 2 Brave Spike and Slayer  
  
author's note: I try to keep it as funny as I possibly can. And having Spike and Buffy going crazy is a start. Anyways, R & R! And thanks if you like it! Read my other stories as well. But don't read them if you don't like horror and romance. But my Questions to Answer is pretty funny. So thanks. I'll get the rest of my stories updated... later. I'm just lazy. And I love Spongebob. I have alot of shirts and stuff on him. So I had an idea with my two favorite shows. R & R! Thanks! Bye!  
  
  
  
"This isn't real. This isn't real." Spike held his knees, sitting on the sand rocking back and forth. Buffy just looked at him pathetically.  
  
"Wanna play with me?" Someone tapped on Buffy's sholder. She looked behind her and there was a big eyed sponge looking back at her.  
  
"Uh... later." She replied, scooching away. Spongebob started skipping away, singing.  
  
"Merry Christmas!" Patrick yelled in Buffy's ear out of nowhere. Buffy had enough and kicked him in the face, running away. "OK, Happy Birthday anyways!" Patrick waved good-bye.  
  
In the meanwhile, while Spike was still trying to hold himself together, Xander was taking a tour of Spongebob's house.  
  
"And that's my TV, and that's Gary's bowl, and that's my washing machine." Spongebob said, turning it on. Patrick popped out, spitting out foam and putting a candy bar in his mouth.  
  
"Patrick?" Spongebob asked.  
  
"Yea, I'd like a krabby patty, a Dr. Kelp, one large tuna pizza, a side order of fries-" Patrick stated.  
  
"Well that's Patrick. He still needs to take his pills." Spongebob whispered to Xander. "So do you have a place to stay?" Spongebob asked.  
  
"No. I'm out of town. Way out of town. As a matter of fact, where I live, we breathe air and aren't cartoons." Xander replied.  
  
"Well you can stay here if you want." Spongebob said.  
  
"Really? Cool!!" Xander said.  
  
"I know! We can build you a house!" Patrick threw up his arms. Spongebob had a flashback of when Patrick first suggested that.  
  
"I don't think that's such a good idea." Spongebob said, putting a hand over Patrick's mouth, smiling nervously.  
  
"Cool! I'll get Spike and Buffy!" Xander said and ran outside. He saw the brave Spike wimpering like a baby and the slayer running around like a retard. He closed it right away. "On second thought, it'd be better to keep them right where they are." Xander said.  
  
"I'll show you Gary then. Gary!" Spongebob called. Gary came in.  
  
"Meow." Spongebob picked up the snail and showed the belly to Xander.  
  
"Go ahead, he likes to be scratched on his belly." Spongebob said. Xander pet the snails chest and got slime all over it. He ran qucikly over to the sink and turned it on.  
  
"Don't keep it on too long! My water bill's very high right now!" Spongebob called out.  
  
***Back at Sunnydale***  
  
Tara had a wish demon up against a wall in the alley.  
  
"Tell me what you did!" She yelled.  
  
"I granted a stupid boy a wish to live in Bikini Bottom; a cartoon! Accidently transported two others there too! Now let me go!" The wish demon replied. Tara pushed her away and the wish demon ran off. She knew just how to handle this. But she shrugged. I could use a vacation. She thought, thinking of all the things she could do without the annoying pest always on her back.  
  
  
  
You Know, Later... 


	3. Is This My House?

author: Brandi Vincent  
  
disclaimer: I do not own the show Spongebob Squarepants nor Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Although if you happen to notice a different character with in the chapters that is not in neither shows, I take full ownership on them.  
  
title: The Squarepants Files  
  
chapter: 3 Is This My House?  
  
author's note: My doggy's going bye bye. Back to the humane society. But read and review. And what does LMAO mean? Later days.  
  
  
  
"Hah hah hah hah! Hah hah hah! Hah hah hah hah!" Patrick yelled, running around in circles.  
  
"So here's where you sleep." Spongebob said, showing Xander his green couch.  
  
"Beats my mom's basement." Xander said, sitting down.  
  
"What about your other friends?" Spongebob asked. Xander hesitated, looking out the window.  
  
"Uh... Let them cool down a bit." Xander replied.  
  
"Hey, what about your other friends?" Patrick asked, stopping his running of circles.  
  
"Anyways, tomorrow I have to go to work. Maybe you should look for a job." Spongebob handed Xander a newspaper. From 1953.  
  
"Yea... I'll look into that tomorrow..." Xander put down the paper and laid down, going to sleep.  
  
"Well, good night Patrick." Spongebob said, going up to his room.  
  
Time passed. Spike still rocked back and forth, sucking his thumb, and Buffy slowed down, finally going to sleep on the ground. Xander woke up with a yawn in the morning. Seeing Patrick starring at nothing by the couch.  
  
"Is this my house?" He asked. Xander got up and went in the kitchen, seeing Spongebob about to leave.  
  
"Well, it's 3 A.M. I've gotta go to work." He said, shaking Xander's hand and going out the door.  
  
"Wait, it's 3 A.M., why g to work so early?" Xander asked.  
  
Spongebob laughed. "Ah, that's a good one Xan. Mr. Krabbs would fire me if I don't clean the tables by 4. Bye!" He ran out the door and jogged to work, saying his usual phrase, 'I'm Ready!'  
  
"Is this my house?" Patrick asked again. Xander looked in a 'new' newspaper, finding a job right away.  
  
"The Chumbucket. Great! Starts at 7 A.M. And the price is right." Xander said, falling back down on the couch, sleeping again.  
  
"Hi mom." Patrick went back off in his daze again.  
  
  
  
"Calming. Calming. Calming. Calming." Spike repeated, returning sane again. Patrick ran by, chasing an ambulance in the street. Though being chased by an Alaskan Bull Worm. Spike laid down, starring up at they sky above. Then took a board and started hitting his head.  
  
***Back at Sunnydale***  
  
I guess I have to save him. Even though it's much quieter with out him. Tara thought, walking into Buffy's house.  
  
"Hey, Tara! Come check this out! Three new characters are in Spongebob!" Willow called out from the living room.  
  
"Oh no." Tara mumbled, checking out the screen. There it was. A yellow fish losing it. A bright pink fish shivering in fear. And a purple starfish being chased by an ambulance, that was being chased by a pink starfish, that was being chased by an Alaskan Bull Worm.  
  
  
  
You know... Later... 


	4. Alaskan Bull Worm

author: Brandi Vincent  
  
disclaimer: I do not own the show Spongebob Squarepants nor Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Although if you happen to notice a different character with in the chapters that is not in neither shows, I take full ownership on them.  
  
title: The Squarepants Files  
  
chapter: 4 Alaskan Bull Worm  
  
author's note: R & R. Yea. You know. I'll update soon. And totally check out Lady Z's story, Paint the Stars in the Sky. And now a sequel to it! (Harry Potter and Buffy the Vampire Slayer crossover)  
  
  
  
"Ahhhhhhh! Ah ah ah! Ahhhhh!" Patrick screamed.  
  
"Well this is lovely." Xander panted, getting out of the road. But the ambulance followed him. He started running a different way, it followed him again. "Holy- oh yea, kids show." The Alaskan Bull Worm caught up with Patrick and swallowed him whole. Satisfied, he wiggeled away. The ambulance stopped and turned the other way, away from Xander. Xander slowed down. "Woo!" He panted, then looked behind him. Patrick wasn't there. "Uh-oh." He zoomed over to the Krusty Krabb, telling Spongebob and Squidward.  
  
"Patrick got eaten. What a surprise. Well I'll have to send that worm a get well present then. But don't worry, he probably already threw up the pink bubblegum wod." Sqidward said.  
  
"Oh-no! Patrick!" Spongebob gasped. "How will we get him back?" He saw Sandy in the corner of the room. "Hey! Sandy! We need your help!" Sandy came over.  
  
"What' yall need?" She asked.  
  
"Remember that Alaskan Bull Worm? He ate Patrick, can you help us get him-" Spongebob was interupted.  
  
"Eh-uh. No doing. No sirri. I'm not facing that scary, big, pink thing again. Especially that worm. So find yourself another." Sandy started walking away.  
  
"Sandy! Wait!" Spongebob yelled, running after her.  
  
"So. Who are you and how long have you known Patrick." Squidward asked plainly.  
  
"Oh, I'm Xander Harris, and I've met Patrick for a day now." Xander replied.  
  
"Exactly what Patrick says when someone greets him." Squidward walked away.  
  
  
  
"So this is The Chumbucket, eh?" Xander asked himself, looking around the big, silver bucket. He knocked on the kitchen doors.  
  
"Yes?" Plankton came out in his pink jamis, holding his teddy.  
  
"Hello? Hello? Anybody there?" Xander asked, then looked down. "Oh, hi Plankton, you don't mind if I apply for a job here, do you?" He asked.  
  
"Sorry. I don't give jobs to 'starfish'. But since I'm desparete, here, wear this, you've got the job." Plankton said, putting a bucket/hat on Xander's head and walking back into the kitchen. Xander sat back at the counter, awaiting customers.  
  
  
  
Patrick walked in the Krusty Krabbs with an icecream cone.  
  
"Good morning Krusty crew!" He said, walking up to the counter.  
  
"Patrick? You're supposed to be eaten!" Squidward said.  
  
"Oh yea." Patrick scratched his head. "Nope doesn't ring a bell."  
  
"Trust me, you don't have a bell in that cone head. May I take your order." Patrick looked at the menu blankly, scratching his chin.  
  
***Back at Sunnydale***  
  
"That's Xander, Buffy, and Spike Willow. A wish demon granted Xander's wish on going to Bikini Bottom." Tara told Willow.  
  
"What? Xander's at Florida, Tara." Willow said.  
  
"He only said that because he didn't want anyone stopping him from going to Bikini Bottom. And now we have to get him out of there."  
  
"Why? I mean, is he in any danger?"  
  
"No, but the show is." Tara pointed to the TV screen.  
  
You Know... Later... 


End file.
